Been and gone

I have to be honest and say that I’m just a little bit upset at the moment. My shagging buddy has been and gone and just left me in a state of, well, in actual fact I’m not sure how to describe this. He is the best shag buddy I’ve ever had. It’s not even friends with benefits because we aren’t friends but when we are together it is like heaven. Or that’s one of the thoughts that came to my mind the other night! I’ve been visiting some people as well and have just come back from that too but now that that’s finished and my shagging buddy has gone, I come back to my house, alone and I can certainly feel it. I’m getting older, I think it’s time to find a partner but in all honesty, it kinda scares me. The thought of a relationship always scares the pants off me. I know that my shagging buddy and I aren’t compatible in a relationship sense, but if I could find someone that had exactly what he had in the bedroom, looked a bit like him and had a different personality, it would be great. I am quirky after all and highly entertaining. They would need to be too to a certain point. Now, I don’t know if I’ll ever see my shagging buddy again (because of certain geographical reasons) and I’m not the kind of girl that gets attached to people easily, but for some reason, I keep trying to turn it into something it’s not which is absurd. While I know this in my heart, my head keeps thinking other things. I feel that it’s this way in this point of time for no other reason than the fact that I am actually utterly alone. I don’t have any friends here still from my own age and I’ve been here a while now. I’m really starting to dislike my job and am currently at a crossroads as what to do. I’m not going to make any rash decisions on that one - my finances can’t afford it. I’m also starting to stress about my finances. I have to pay for a trip half way through next year which will cost me a few grand and then there’s the fact that I need some work done on my teeth but can’t afford it. I still can’t afford a car. I do have plans for new years which is great as I’ll be out of town, but they will not be in my age group even though they are like minded and I know I’ll have a great time. As more thoughts of despair run through my head I’m convinced that members of the opposite sex do not find me attractive. Which is not helped by the fact I do not have many opportunities to get out. But to put the icing on the cake, I have plans in place to get back to my (not wanting to put a label on it) non-eating ways. And there we have it! I’m hoping this will make me feel better and yes while I have read this few 2 times, it does make me feel better, a whole lot better!

Gosh Gosh Gosh

Today I feel like crying.  The weather is lovely, I was having a great day and in a couple of days my hot out of down shag boy will be here. But I went to the toilet and found that I have some more lady leakage painting wise.. if you get what I am saying. So there is something wrong with my area...which racks me off because I was ready for some raunchy bed action but instead I might be somewhat hindered by pain and uncomfortableness. Which is going to be very embarrassing. Plus I'm still getting a small amount of discharge from the other thing.  Eww, I hope I don't have germs........Now I'm all tense because i really wanted a good shagfest and now I'm just going to worry until the time he gets here.

Up or Down?

I'm setting myself up for a fall. It's about a dude and I know this information but I couldn't help but squeal with excitement when I found out he was visiting. This dude is great in bed. He is not bad looking but personality wise he really is not my type and I find myself being a cold fish when I talk to him. So relationship wise there is nothing going. But I'm just ever so excited.  He blew me off last time but I knew he was going to so I went out and had a blinder anyways.  But I don't know how long he is here for, I don't know what he is doing but he will be staying 1 night at my place. I am currently thinking I am some what of an egg head. But I can't help myself and I'm just so sexual at the moment it's unbelievable.  Today I went down to priceline and picked up some durex condoms. The flavoured and coloured now come in Kiwi flavour. I'm hoping it will lessen the chance of thrush. I am taking inner health plus. It's been a hell of a fanny month for me. The coke dude I got a massive UTI and then a good 2 week dose of thrush. And as silly as I am, I didn't realise I had thrush until last night.  In the weekend I went out and purchased some pinetarsol hoping that it was just an itchy sore problem.  But it felt like it was on fire and I massive amounts of discharge on my panties. So today I got some Canesten Duo.  The cream is very good and I'm hoping that I will feel a lot better tomorrow and ready for some sexual action. I know it may sound silly, but for some reason I really want to be wanted by this guy even though I know we are not a match and typically, it would not bother me otherwise but for some reason, I have to have this guy like me and I don't know why.  I think that's why I'm so excited so I get another chance.  But I'm not a close close type of person. I have been changing over the past few months and have let down a few guards but it just seems unreasonable. I think its the fact that even though I had my 31st birthday, I couldn't remember what my age was yesterday I was like 30 no I'm 31. Maybe it's because I'm getting old and I still want to feel wanted. Well, I don't really think that's it but it's all I have to go on at the moment. It could also be that this is the closest thing I have to anyone (opposite sex wise) at the moment and I'm just really glad I have something. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it and just live life!

Only in NZ

ha ha, this story really made me laugh.. especially this part:

"Two tickets being sold together for the East Stand have already attracted a bid for $425 but not all Trade Me punters are happy.

One has already threatened the seller.

"What goes around comes around for losers like you! Might deliberately win your auction - fool you into believing that I'm a genuine buyer and not turn up with the cash! Of course (sic) I wont be bidding under this account - shame on you scalper."

Another fan also expressed anger at a seller with two tickets with a current bid of $355.

"You make me and a lot of other Warrior and Roosters fans sick!!!!!! You can't be a true supporter!"

Another poster supported the seller: "Hi, I don't know why everyone gets all upset with people doing this with Warriors tickets...there are all sorts of tickets on here for sale but no one moans about them!"

Other posters have threatened violence."

That's so NZ to threaten violence over some sports tickets. ha ha. I took some time to read through the trade me auctions and was more amused by the lack of english the sellers possessed. One seller who had their tickets reached to about $555 (Gosh, they must be desperate over there to pay that much to see the Warriors!!) his language was simply appalling. I can just imagine him, sitting at home, on the dole, smoking some crack, trying to make a quick buck.  You can certainly tell this person's ethnicity. Fresh of da boat ar!

Womanly Rough Day

Me thinks today will be quite a painful day for me.  I have got a bad UTI. I thought it had gone away but it has come back pretty darn tough. I have to get it cured before my holiday and my doctor is away next week. I'm hoping that there is a spot in the practice with another doctor so I can go in Monday. I'm going to have to get up early tomorrow morning and get in to work before 8:30am so that if they have an opening, I can just go in straight away.  I've been on the effervescent and the cranberry pills which are better than cranberry juice but oh the pain. One day last week I was crying before work sitting thinking should I go in or should I not.  I actually picked it up from that Hotel guy. And I was so smashed that night, I really only remember a couple of things. Which has made me really worried that he might have diseases.  In some of my previous countries, they had free clinics where you could go and get std checks and all that kind of stuff. But they don't have anything like that here. I do not have a low income card or anything like that. I think that it's a travesty.  I really like my free std checks.  And recently I've been worried about pregnancy and when my nipples started playing up this week I was just like shiver me timbers, please no.  There are several reasons why I would not like to be pregnant at this stage, but mostly when I do get pregnant (if I ever do because the ladies at work keep scaring me with the stories of labour) I would like to be at the point where I would know who the father was and that I was in a relationship with that man and not the i've had relations with x different men this month and I won't be able to tell who it is.  Which is my current situation. Further more, I'm not big on details. I wouldn't even know the person's name if that was to happen.  Anyway, now I'm just thinking about stuff because I am worried I have germs from that guy.  Okay, hopefully I can relax shortly. Maybe I should put some music on and just loose myself in the music.  And I don't need to worry too much, if there is no doctor available tomorrow, I can just find another doctor.  There are tons of them in the city and tomorrow, I should have some anti biotics in my hand ready to get rid of this infection. 

Spring Days

I can't believe what an amazing day it is today weather wise. If it wasn't for the wind, I'd be out for a spot of sun baking.  I am so relaxed at present it is just lovely.  I have a weekend where I am not up to much, just lazing around, maybe doing some more tidying.  I went down to the local shopping mall today, found some great summer fashion staples but I'm not looking to buy anything for another couple of weeks - thats when I should be down to 49kg and looking mighty fine. In the meantime I'm not going to waste my money spending it on any clothes that aren't necessary.  Oh and I'm so excited. I'm going to the Royal Melbourne Show next week and as it's my first show I'm just simply excited. I've already picked out my showbag which will be the Hello Kitty show bag!

Now I'm just really into my Nintendo DS. I have the Cooking Guide.  I'm cooking some food next week and while I already know what I'm making, today I just got the Cooking Guide so I'll look through and see what it has.  I have another dinner party coming up so I would like to test the food out first before cooking it.  Next weekend, I will be making some mini quiches for a trip, some greek honey and walnut biscuits (which always taste devine), then I will either make Pork steamed dumplings and I also need to test out the Dessert so I will make that. I think. I've got a spot of house sitting coming up so I will do that and see how it goes. 

Confessions of a 90210 watcher

Last night I watched the premiere of the new 90210. A 2 hour episode. What turned in to my bed at 8:30pm (I had decided to go into work early but then swiftly changed my mind to watch 90210 instead which was definitely the right decision) was spent watching the new 90210. Previous to this I had ridiculed it on the adverts but as soon as it came on I was wrapped up in it. It was just like it was before. Which I liked so I'm old, home on a Monday night watching 90210. It was surprisingly much better than the OC. Even though that wasn't very good and the main girl in Beverly Hills was just gorgeous unlike Mischa Barton. i guess it's everything that the OC wasn't. So it was definately watchable. I love the fact that they had (can't remember names) brenda and Kelly(?) in it, that dude from the Peach Pit and next week they have Kelly's mother in it! It was so familiar it was great. if you haven't seen it yet and get the chance, it is a must watch. I even blew off bones to watch that and I even download episodes of bones!

On to my next confessions and while this won't be a regular slot as I use this blog as kind of a confessional:

• My ringtone on my mobile phone is Beverly Hills by weezer and has been for the last year.
  
• When I'm home alone (which is an awful lot because I live by myself and have no partner) and watching channel ten in the ads I sing loudly - too much good stuff out there to ignore.
  
• As soon as I leave my work building, I become blissfully happy.
  
• In winter I look forward to relaxing when I get home - getting dressed into my pjs and putting on my ugg boots. Gosh they rule!
  
• I have lots of impure thoughts
• My Ipod has windows viruses on it but because I have a MAC at home I'm not affected until I take it to work, plug it in and it ever so politely tells me that I have a virus on my ipod.
• Lately I have been unusually nervous and extremely unhappy and while I thought it was period blues. I think it's job blues.  
• I am off to the Royal Melbourne show this year with my nephew and I plan to take it in like a somewhat mature kid. Hello kitty show bag here I come!
• I get sick of people really easily and someone told me at work today I was unusually quiet. (that's not right is it)
• My final confession is that I have a new walking partner and they walk far too slowly for me. Do I continue as it's not really exercise for me, it's just a chance to get out of the office. I think tomorrow, I'll run errands instead. I need to get some trilogy products and I also need to get some wax strips.

Work, Work, Work

Some days at work I feel like I need to be high to even be there! It was one of those days today. Could do with a massage, hmm I could have a hot bath... but instead, I think I will just stop working and have dinner.. You know what though, I can't help but think of that guy from last week. I don't know if it was the stuff, the alcohol or his sexual abilities, but I'm still feeling pretty good from it.

Father's Day Cards

Normally, I get a father's day card for dad that is just full of absolute you are great blah blah shite. Today, I've decided it's not worth the charade. Even though he has requested a card that says how great he is, I'm going to do my own. This year we have decided on e-cards. Only because it's better for the environment as we only end up chucking them out after a week or so. For this occassion, I've downloaded Smilebox to my mac. Here, you can make your own card, add videos blah blah. I thought I would give it a go. Smilebox, I know I probably could've used iphoto, but I came across this and thought I would try it out. Very easy to use and you can add videos/photos. So I've just sent it off to his hotmail account. I hope it is small enough. I might send it to myself to test it out. Doh, I really should've done that!

Oh and the other night I had a dirty, dirty night. Sometimes I forget that I am such a whore. I got drunk, got high, smoked cigarettes and had a whole lotta good sex in one of the best hotels. I surprisingly didn't take any coke which I'm quite pleased about because I am not totally a whore.

Oh and I also found out why I have been getting really testy over the last week. My period has arrived.

Spring is in the air

I'm slightly excited. It's the first weekend of spring and everything looks amazing. Blue sky, it just looks like it's going to be really decent this summer. I excitedly awoke and did the first every washing that I could hang on my line. I've been in this unit since April and the weather since then, I haven't been able to hang anything outisde. I don't have a dryer so this is just perfect. I am washing my flanette sheets so they can now go in to storage for the summer. I'm not feeling the best today. Bit of a headache, sinus things I guess. Had a great night last night got some great seats at the MCG for my team the Western Bulldogs, saw Libba came home. Today I was supposed to go to a facial appointment but I can't be bothered. Instead I will stay around the home and do things. Then, tomorrow, I might go along and watch the storm play. I am just really excited. Plus the weigh loss contest starts Monday. Argh.

Moans and Groans .. but most groans

I really can't understand what is wrong with me as of late. I'm moody, I feel like walking out of work. I just can't be happy. I worked out last night that even in my sleep my body is in a stressed state which explains my hunched body syndrome.  So I'm just going to ride with it.  I've had a few things happen today as well. I managed to get tickets to see Hawthorn Vs Bulldogs @ da G on Friday, so I was quite relieved about that. Then my headphones broke this morning so I've had to order some more. I've purchased 2 x 2GB micro sd's and also I just slammed my thumb in a draw.  This guy said something to me about my career and I nearly told him where to shove it!  And I've entered a weight loss competition at work. I am not going in it to win because the last guy who won was like 80 pounds. But I'm going to loose about 5kg.  Since I haven't been well (since May) I have not been able to exercise. I am still not well. I still have dizziness and the lady eating her salad over the wall is slightly annoying crunch crunch crunch.  Yes, the littlest things set me off today. I kinda yelled at 2 people walking down the street this guy walks around me, we were walking fast and then gets right in front of me and slows down. I'm like good one blah blah and then this other guy who looked like mr stiff refused to move so I was like thanks for not moving.  And the stupid lady at the waxing thing wrote down on my card that I should come on sep 11 and then I get a text message to confirm my appointment for the 4th so I have to arrange the rest of my BLOODY lunch times. Which is very F*kn inconvenient for me. (Argh, just chill, I must chill)

Worst day

After having the worst day at work I've had in a while, I came home and had doritos for dinner.... hmm talk about healthy eating! But I decided to get my wireless network set up. Previously, my computer has been in my room and it's not the biggest room. Also, with a spare room, it seemed silly to have nothing but 2 chairs in it. So I have now turned it into my study. Gosh, I would love some book cases. I'm not sure I'm overly OK with the positioning of the computer, but it should be fine. It also took me over 30 minutes to set the wireless network up. Silly me, after I moved my computer I was like DOH, I need to still be connected to the router to configure it! So I transported the computer back to my room. While the router was easy to configure, it was my iMac that posed the biggest threat. I couldn't connect to it through the Airport. I had the wep keys configured, but couldn't connect it was driving me crazy. I researched, restarted all sorts of things. I tried to connect to the base station and was getting couldn't read the configuration of the airport. On the airport connection after typing the password, I was getting unable to connect to airport network xxx. But thankfully I persisted and I now have computer set up in the sunniest room of the house. My heater is on next to me. Another great buzz I received today was when I got home I received yet another bill (my gas bill arrived a couple of days ago and now my electric - normally they are a month apart) but because I have been making monthly payments, I am in credit with the electricity company. Yay. I knew there would not be much to pay! So stoked!

Work

It just so happens that I'm not enjoying work at the moment. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm on my 6th course of anti biotics.  I also have a work colleague that is dealing with some personal stuff, which is hard, but then also puts the pressure on me.  I just really don't want to be here at the moment. If I had enough sick leave, I would be home in bed.

All nighter

Friday night I pulled an all nighter. Didn't get any sleep at all and was more than slightly hung over for a dinner party I had to get ready for Saturday evening. I even caught up with this guy, we both like each other, but I don't think I'll call him. I think he is too young and I am too old for him :).  But at least I know I can still pull the youngsters! Not that that is totally comforting. In fact, I don't even know why I said it.