Email to a friend

Here is the best way to describe what is happening to me at the moment (taken from an e-mail I sent a friend)

But anyways, I don't mean to shock you but things aren't going to well for me at the moment. Over the past 2 months I haven't been too stable mentally, there has been a lot of ups and downs and this past weekend was simply horrible for me. I have had eating issues since I was 16. But now I've started vomiting all the time. I eat I puke. It has made me depressed and I have withdrawn somewhat. No energy and the dark circles under my eyes are worse. I find myself going out and getting absolutely drunk and having some really weird "relations" with people. It's like I don't really care about me at the moment. I used to have morales and would not have relations with married men and this one that I turned down earlier in the year, I told him nothing would ever happen but then on Thursday I totally came on to him and did the business. I've had a lot of mental abuse from men over the past 3 years and it's worn me down a little bit. there was one a couple of months ago, talking about how one of his friends thought I was Ok and the other didn't on a train, a loud conversation and I haven't been asked out on a date for years so I'm convinced men don't find me attractive. I also dislike my job and most of the people I work with. I almost feel numb inside and if I was the type of person who would commit suicide, I would be dead already. I am so critical about myself, but when you have people constantly being rude to you, you tend to believe what they say. I went to a medium in the weekend which I ideally went there for pointers about my job and what I should do. Instead he told me about my weight and drinking issues, my issues with my teeth (thank god i got those fixed today 1 less issue to stress about) but then discussed about the physical and mental abuse that I have received and that he is aware I've been put through the mill and back and while I have normally managed to fight it, I don't know if it's the fact that I don't really have any friends here to discuss shit with or even be happy with. Most of the people I do know try to turn things into competitions and I'm not really friends with them. Anyway, a few times a day I wish I was dead, but I'm far too lazy to do anything about it. Seeing this medium actually made me realise how bad my life is and it has put me in a bigger state of depression. While I am not vomiting now, I am not eating either. I'm so anxious I can't eat. When I went to the dentist this morning, I wore a cap because I couldn't handle anyone looking at me. I feel like a mess. Even though I don't think my body / weight issues need to be fixed, I know the depression that comes with it does so I will wait a couple of weeks until my next injection to see how it goes. I just need to snap out of it but can't.