Been and gone

I have to be honest and say that I’m just a little bit upset at the moment. My shagging buddy has been and gone and just left me in a state of, well, in actual fact I’m not sure how to describe this. He is the best shag buddy I’ve ever had. It’s not even friends with benefits because we aren’t friends but when we are together it is like heaven. Or that’s one of the thoughts that came to my mind the other night! I’ve been visiting some people as well and have just come back from that too but now that that’s finished and my shagging buddy has gone, I come back to my house, alone and I can certainly feel it. I’m getting older, I think it’s time to find a partner but in all honesty, it kinda scares me. The thought of a relationship always scares the pants off me. I know that my shagging buddy and I aren’t compatible in a relationship sense, but if I could find someone that had exactly what he had in the bedroom, looked a bit like him and had a different personality, it would be great. I am quirky after all and highly entertaining. They would need to be too to a certain point. Now, I don’t know if I’ll ever see my shagging buddy again (because of certain geographical reasons) and I’m not the kind of girl that gets attached to people easily, but for some reason, I keep trying to turn it into something it’s not which is absurd. While I know this in my heart, my head keeps thinking other things. I feel that it’s this way in this point of time for no other reason than the fact that I am actually utterly alone. I don’t have any friends here still from my own age and I’ve been here a while now. I’m really starting to dislike my job and am currently at a crossroads as what to do. I’m not going to make any rash decisions on that one - my finances can’t afford it. I’m also starting to stress about my finances. I have to pay for a trip half way through next year which will cost me a few grand and then there’s the fact that I need some work done on my teeth but can’t afford it. I still can’t afford a car. I do have plans for new years which is great as I’ll be out of town, but they will not be in my age group even though they are like minded and I know I’ll have a great time. As more thoughts of despair run through my head I’m convinced that members of the opposite sex do not find me attractive. Which is not helped by the fact I do not have many opportunities to get out. But to put the icing on the cake, I have plans in place to get back to my (not wanting to put a label on it) non-eating ways. And there we have it! I’m hoping this will make me feel better and yes while I have read this few 2 times, it does make me feel better, a whole lot better!